August 18, 2023
11:48am
Hello, I’ve missed you. It’s been a busy past few weeks. It’s that time of year when school ramps up, and we’re all trying to adapt to the new season. Long story short, I haven’t written in a while, and well, I need to. Coming here and sharing my feelings helps me stay grounded, and focused. While brainstorming for a blog topic the other week, I had a lightbulb moment: dating might be fun? Through some self-reflection (and lots of therapy), I’ve realized that I’m in a place where I’m ready to get back out there… single and ready to mingle, if you will. I’m at the point where I want company, I don’t need it. With that, I hopped back into the dating pool. To be honest, I’m more so looking to meet cool people and create new experiences than I am searching for a serious relationship. I like to tell myself if it happens, it happens.
A couple of weeks ago I went out with a guy, and I was pleasantly surprised. I really liked him. I thought maybe… it was happening. Let’s just say I found out pretty quickly that I was wrong. After a few more dates, I received the “it’s not you, it’s me” call. Now, Caroline wants to say that it’s not a breakup and to be fair, she’s probably right, but I can’t help but feel like I got broken up with for the first time. It’s not the best feeling in the world… And, now that I’ve been on both ends of the spectrum, “the heartbreaker” and “the brokenhearted,” I want to take my shot at drafting up what I call, The Breakup Guide. So, here we go:
Don’t Freak Out
Whether you’re the one doing the heartbreaking, or they are, whatever you do, don’t freak out. When you’re having that breakup conversation, it’s easy to want to break down, cry, and yell. In fact, it’s natural to act impulsively. But you don’t want to do that. Remain calm, listen to your partner, and understand what led you to that point. Carry yourself with confidence.
Reflect On The Relationship
Endings suck, and breakups suck even worse, but do yourself a favor and learn from them. When I broke up with my boyfriend, every part of me wanted to move on and pretend like it never happened, but what a waste that is. After reflecting, I learned so much about my needs, my wants, what I’m looking for and not looking for in a partner, and about myself in general. Things didn’t work out for a reason. Determining that reason will help you prevent problems in future relationships. Ignoring those reasons could cause you to make the same mistakes. Make a list of the good and bad parts of the relationship. List out what you want to take from it, and what you want to leave behind.
Cut The Communication
Whatever you do, do not keep communicating with your ex after the breakup. I call this relapsing. You cannot do the healing you need to do while you are still in communication with that person. I’m all for being on good terms with your ex. I think that’s probably healthy, but good terms don’t mean you have to be in communication, at least for the first six months. Every time you go back after the breakup you start the healing process all over again. My honest advice: just block them.
Transfer That Love To Yourself
If you’re anything like me, you may have spent so much time and effort trying to love your partner during the relationship that you sometimes forget to love the most important person: yourself. Now that you're in your single era, it’s time to spoil yourself with love. Take yourself out on solo dinner dates, try a new face mask, or try picking up a new hobby. After my breakup, I was struggling with this concept. A friend of mine told me that she practices self-love every morning. She looks in the mirror and says aloud to herself three affirmations. Tell yourself what you love about YOU.
Be Thankful, Not Regretful
Going back to my first relationship, I would always think “Well shit, I just wasted five years of my life.” But, I think that’s a really shitty way to think about it. You made memories, you loved, laughed, and most importantly lived. Be thankful for the time you spent together, and be grateful that you now have the opportunity to find your person.
Love is hard to come by. People come and go, and they can paint your life all different colors. They can paint you yellow with joy, blue with sadness, purple with envy, but only a few can paint your heart red with love. Don’t discredit the way people have colored your heart just because it didn’t work out. Be thankful they left a mark at all. You have to swatch a few pinks before you find your perfect shade of red. Perhaps, so scarlet that it’s maroon (Taylor’s Version).
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