Not to toot my own horn, but I always thought I had a knack for interior design. Granted, the first time I was allowed to call the shots I painted my room hot pink. Within a few years, my obsession with Taylor Swift and her then-latest album, Speak Now, took over my walls, and that’s when my knack was really put to use. Purple everything. Shrines, cardboard cutouts. I didn’t mess around in 2010. It wasn’t until middle school that I traded in the bright color walls for something a little more… sophisticated. I was thirteen going on thirty. I had beige walls, a white platform bed, and three of my dad's records hung vertically above my desk: Morrison Hotel by the Doors, Highway 61 Revisited by Bob Dylan, and Abbey Road by the Beatles. Though it was supposed to be my “sophisticated” room, my pre-teen years were when clothes started piling up on my chair, and the clothes on the floor got thrown straight into the closet. By high school, my room was, as my mother liked to call it, “a tornado zone.” Fifteen cups of water, and ten half-empty, plastic water bottles next to my bed. An overflowing basket of clean clothes on the left side of the room, and a basket of dirty clothes on the right. I dreaded those Saturdays my mom would come in saying she’d “had enough,” and I’d have to spend all day cleaning. Yes, it would take me all day. I’d have at least three fashion shows, two concerts, and maybe a nap if I could sneak it. But inevitably, by 10 pm I would get frustrated with myself, stand up, and do the whole thing in five to ten minutes. With all said, I had big hopes to put my knack for interior design to good use during my first two years of college. I had color schemes and various visions for each room, but, like it always seems to do, life took over. I coined my sophomore year room “my depression room,” and it was. I’m having a difficult time coming up with words to say about it, but what I can say is that it represented the mental state that I was in at the time. In time, throughout my journey within The Rapport Room, I hope to be able to reflect on that time and learn how to speak on it more in-depth. Stay tuned… After my sophomore year, it was time for some change. The need for change was less of a desire than it was a necessity. So, I packed up and moved to Florida. Since moving, and getting my so-called “fresh start,” I feel as if I’ve really been able to take a step back and look at my life from the outside, rather than inside the little bubble it felt like I was in at times. Over the last year, I’ve been able to reflect on so many chapters of my life, as I have vaguely touched on in this post. In doing so, I have been able to re-fall in love with many of my favorite pastimes, such as playing guitar. I’ve been able to realize which things, and sometimes people, are good for me, and which are not. Since getting out of a long-term relationship, I’ve been able to focus on and take care of myself, and only myself, for the first time in a long time. And after all of this, you’d never believe where I’m sitting… in a clean, comfortable, stunning (horn toot) room. It’s interesting how many things in our lives reflect where we are mentally. For me, it was the cleanliness of my room, amongst other things. Looking back now, I wish I could tell my teenage self a couple of things. First, if your room looks like a war zone, you need to slow down, take a step back, and identify why you’ve let yourself slip into bad habits. And second, it’ll feel so much better when you clean it! The cleanliness, and organization of my surroundings are just one area of life I’m working on. Since moving to Florida, and spending more time alone, I’ve been focusing on how to be more confident in myself. In the way I act, and look, the decisions and choices I make, but overall just who I am as a person. I look forward to documenting my journey through this “happy, free, confused, and lonely time” (thanks, Taylor).