Tuesday, October 17, 2023
12:41pm
I’m sitting outside at the first coffee shop I found when I moved to Florida. I’m drinking an iced pumpkin latte, but it's 60 degrees, and I’m starting to wish I ordered it hot. I just finished applying for what I hope to be the last student loan I’ll take out. As I write this, I’m reflecting on what has been one of the craziest years of my life. It’s hard to believe that I’m experiencing the crisp Floridian autumn for the second time. It feels like I was screaming Taylor’s newly released album, Midnights, just yesterday, but that was nearly a year ago. Time is really starting to fly, and I realized that more than ever this past weekend.
I booked a trip to Chicago on a whim to visit some friends. Before this weekend, I had been to the city once before for a brief 24-hour trip. So yes, I am claiming this trip as my first to the Windy City. We didn’t have any huge plans for the weekend (other than the Eras Movie which was phenomenal of course), so we were able to go with the flow, and I was really able to get a feel for the city. We went antiquing and thrifting, walked the pups, and of course, went on a coffee and bagel tour. Now, I’ve traveled a fair amount around the country, but I’ve never had the thought, “I could actually see myself here.” In a sense, it made me take a step back, get out of my head, and appreciate, well, life. The quick pace of the city was intimidating but inspired me to want to push myself to take it on.
I’m at that weird age where it’s time to start thinking about this kind of stuff. Thinking about where I want to live, and exploring my options. Sure, it’s exciting, but if I’m going to be totally honest, I’m scared as fuck. I’m scared of taking that blind leap after graduation into adulthood. It’s a period of time with inevitable struggles and lessons to be learned. Whether it's the solitude or the finances of it all, it scares me. However, for the first time in a while, visiting Chicago helped me to look at this transition as an exciting new time, rather than the scary unknown. I’m more excited about the thought of decorating my first big girl apartment rather than dwelling on how much it’s going to cost. I am excited about the perspective of living in a big city rather than being intimidated by it.
When it all boils down to it, I’ve been so afraid of approaching adulthood, and everything that comes with it, that I haven’t allowed myself the time to get excited about such an exhilarating time. I haven’t allowed myself to get excited about the endless opportunities that lay ahead of me: happiness, success, and independence. Well, thanks Chicago, because I’m more excited than ever before about this transition that’s knocking at my door.
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